we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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