I skipped work to stalk him.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
