doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
