The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
