There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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