Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Randomize
