omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
