Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
