he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
