my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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