I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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