They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
