it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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