so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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