I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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