I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
