do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
