This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
