You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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