The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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