i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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