He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
