Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
