His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize