They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
