walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drake has all the answers
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
