I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
