my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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