i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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