how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
