are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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