Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
