get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
