Christians are straight up FREAKS
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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