Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
