Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
