All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
