Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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