who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
