I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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