then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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