hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you didnt know i had herpes?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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