so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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