Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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