Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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