will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's the barista slut.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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