I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
