He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
