Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
