Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
