I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Text me some of your sweat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
