Kiss
Puke
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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