When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
