Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
