I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
