Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize