so explain again why im purple
no
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
