At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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