it hurts more in the daytime
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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