whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
