It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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