He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's Friday. Sex?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize