he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
