You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
