You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
