you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
