I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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