when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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