New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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