you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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