ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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